An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

The Greatest and Best Blog Entry in the World... tribute

Today was a day most "liberry" bloggers would dread. It was almost entirely uneventful. Some might even say boring. Our only Rogue was Mr. B-Natural, who came in with his dog and proceeded to behave himself admirably. Makes me almost long for the days when he would get all worked up at having to share a computer hallway with the likes of the Untalented Mr. Ripley, or throw a huge tantrum if we told him his time was up and someone else was waiting for his computer. The worst he did today was turn the computer sign-in clipboard upside down before signing his name. This is standard procedure for Mr. B-Natural, who seems to be operating under the misconception that it somehow annoys us that he does this. Far from it. It actually makes it easier for us to read his name from the other side of the counter and therefore see when it's time to ask him to get off. (We once printed up a special sign-in sheet that was exactly the same no matter which direction he turned it in. He failed to notice, killing our practical joke.)

Probably the most eventful moment of today's workday came when I and Mrs. A and Mrs. C, the librarians, came up with the greatest and best food-theme in the world for our upcoming staff Christmas party.

In years past we've either gone out to eat or done a covered dish dinner where everyone brings a dish or two and a mighty feast commences. These have been most enjoyable occasions, but this year we wanted to do something different. We were wanting something similar to the covered dish dinner, but which somehow involved buckets of KFC chicken being brought in.

(And while I'm at it, let me just mini-rant on KFC's whole "Hey, get us, our chicken is low-carb friendly, so you're not gonna get fat eating it" ad campaign. Yeah, it's low carb... IF YOU REMOVE THE POUND AND A HALF OF BREADING ON IT! What a bunch of damned morons!)

So, anyway, Mrs. A really wanted the KFC to be a part of all this, as she's been craving it like mad for days. Then we hit upon the brilliant part. Fried chicken is comfort food, so why don't we just throw a comfort food party and bring nothing but huge vats of carb-laden fatty dishes we can all stuff ourselves with until we're soaked in food afterglow.

Oh, and cookies too! I almost forgot the cookies!!!! We're each gonna bring, like, 8 dozen cookies, so we'll have 8 different 8 dozen batches of different kinds of cookies. This way, everyone can walk away with a cookie sampler pack of at least a dozen different cookies. It's just frickin' brilliant, I tells ya! BRILLIANT!!!!

Frankly, it's such a stroke of damned genius that I really don't need anything else interesting to share today.

Comfort... Food... Party.

Three words defining true blog value right there.

I could have just signed on, spat that out there and walked away and it would have been a fine entry. Being the benevolent soul I am, through, I threw in the 8 dozen cookies variety pack for bonus added value.

Good night, everybody. Thanks for coming. Don't forget to tip your waitress!

(Continued)

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