An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Rogues Gallery


ACTIVE ROGUES



  • CHESTER THE (POTENTIAL) MOLESTER
  • MR. STANKY *
  • MRS. LYING D. SACKASHIT
  • BARBARA TURDMURKLE
  • MRS. CAROL SATAN
  • MR. CRAB (the Third Grumpiest Old Man in all the World)
  • PARANOID RICK JAMES
  • MR. B-NATURAL * (the Grumpiest Old Man in all the World)
  • THE FAGINS (Unseen for ages, but still actively evil, no doubt)
  • GENE GENE THE GENEAL0GY MACHINE*
  • WILLIAM SHATNER(the 5th Grumpiest Old Man in all the World)
  • THE NEW DEVIL TWINS *
  • THE NEW DEVIL TWINS AUXILIARY LEAGUE OF NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS *
  • JIMMY THE "ANONYMOUS" SNITCH *
  • THE DUFUS *
  • THE COPYCAT SHITTER

  • INACTIVE ROGUES

  • THE PURPLE NUN (Deceased)
  • PARKA * (Shhh! Don't say his name, it gives him power!)
  • MR. SMILEY (the Second Grumpiest Old Man in all the World, has not darkened our door for quite some time)
  • MR. STANKIER * (Haven't seen or smelled him in months)
  • MR. CREEPY GUY
  • BILLY THE BRAINCHILD * (a.k.a. the Low Rent Larry Flynt. MIA since 2005)
  • THE SERIAL SHITTER (Allegedly Constipated)
  • RON THE (MAGAZINE AND OCCASIONALLY FART) RIPPER (Same)
  • WAL-MART JESUS* (Has left our door undarkened since 2005)
  • CRUSTY THE PATRON* (The Patron formerly known as Nearsighted Dave, unseen for nigh on a year)
  • MRS. BELLOWS: THE VIDEO BORROWING GORGON *
  • THE EVIL FEDEX GUY * (MIA for years. Status Unknown)
  • MR. RICHARD S. WEED
  • THE UNTALENTED MR. RIPLEY * (Out of jail, though not in the area)
  • THE EVEN LESS TALENTED MR. RIPLEY * (Scared off )
  • KAMMY K.: THE BOOK HOARDING BIZATCH (Finally brought her damn interlibrary loan book back after 10 months)
  • THE AMAZING BLADDER BOY (Unseen since 2003)
  • BEAR PISS MAN * (Unseen and unsmelled since 2004)
  • CONSPIRACY GUY * (Finally got his own computer, or so he'd have us think)
  • MRS. LAWTAKER
  • THE OLD DEVIL TWINS *
  • LOUD NEDD: THE OBNOXIOUS DRIFTER WHO TALKS IN ALL CAPS * (Status: Drifted away)
  • MS. I.N. PHYTE *
  • RED ALERT ( Moved away )


  • BENIGN IRRITANTS

  • FATTY MANCHILD *
  • THE COOT
  • MS. GREEN*
  • MR. HINKY *
  • JOHNNY HACKER*
  • MR. DENT (The Fourth Grumpiest Old Man in All The World)
  • MR. PERFECT *
  • OLD MAN PRINTER*
  • GERMOPHOBE GARY*
  • KANJI THE KID *
  • GRANNY & YOSEMITE SAM
  • GRANDPA SAM
  • BAD (CRAZED) MOM & BROOD*
  • SUNDAY BOB *

  • SUNDRY OTHERS

  • BIRTHDAY LADY
  • CAP'N CROSSDRESSER *
  • OLD MAN WOMANLEGS
  • THE FORMERLY SWEATIEST WOMAN IN ALL THE LAND* (Now with no foul smell at all.)
  • MR. BIG STUPID *
  • MR. LITTLE STUPID *
  • CLEVELAND*
  • MATILDE THE CRANKY WICCAN *
  • HARRY THE KILLER MIDGET
  • BUDDY
  • THE CAPITALIST TOOL
  • T-SHIRT MAN *
  • SAD SACK
  • MRS. QUAALUDE *

  • SUNDRIES GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

  • THE DRAMA QUEEN
  • MR. & MRS. THRILL
  • ANTI-HENRY HUGGINS
  • STONER LAD *
  • NARCOLEPTIC NELSON *
  • THE DRIFTER *
  • LAURA WINGFIELD *
  • THE SCREAMER
  • JOAN CRAWFORD & CHRISTINA
  • THE FAKIR





  • * = Innanet Crowd Patron