With the mystery of our recent gay porn surfing computer patron in its opening chapter, I thought it would be nice to look back at one of the previous ones.
library is no stranger to patrons who want to view porn on our
computers. Most of the time it doesn't cause any problems and we just
live with it, though with a wary eye. I know it's completely
stereotypical and wrong to think that anyone who wants to view internet
porn, of any variety, on a public computer is somehow a pervert who's
out to do harm to kids. However, considering some of the patrons
who regularly walk our floors, like Chester, it's behavior that we do try to monitor on a "just in case" basis.
One of our former regular rogue patrons, The Untalented Mr. Ripley,
had certainly viewed his share of gay porn on our computers, but he was
at least semi-discrete about it. He kept his windows shrunk down to the
bare minimum, so he could get a peek at whatever it was he wanted to
see without offending anyone nearby. The only person who ever complained
about him was Mr. B-Natural, but Mr. B was mostly interested in trying to get Ripley kicked out so it would free up a computer for him to use.
few months after I started working at the "liberry", though, we were
paid a visit by a far less discrete soul, who I've dubbed the Even Less Talented Mr. Ripley
(Mr. E.L.T. for short). We're pretty sure Mr. E.L.T. has more than a
few loose screws rolling around in his noggin, cause he was completely
conspicuous in his gay porn viewing. I never got the impression that he
was doing it on purpose, so that people would notice and be offended or
anything. It was more like he was just too stupid to realize that if he
was looking at porn on the monitor of a public computer the rest of the
public could see it too and not just him. He therefore never seemed
shifty or nervous about his viewing habits, because he was completely
under the moronic impression that no one would bother to look at what he
was looking at.
So about once every couple of weeks, Mr. E.L.T. would come in, plop down and start loading up pictures of hoo hoo dillies
for all the world to see. And, like most visitors to porn sites, he'd
get attacked by the standard pop-up windows. Only Mr. E.L.T., being very
stupid, had no clue how to get rid of them so he'd just shrink em to
the bottom of the screen. He also had no idea how to reboot the computer
when he was finished surfing, so he'd just get up and leave, with all
his porn sites and pop-ups still right there.
after Mr. E.L.T. had departed and no other patrons were around, Mrs. A
snuck back to the computers and expanded all the pop-ups he'd left there
so that they were fully visible on the screen. Then she came up front
and told me there was a computer that needed rebooting, figuring I'd go
see what was there and be shocked. I went and saw it, but was hardly
shocked because I knew full well what would be there cause I knew who
had been sitting there the whole time. Instead of making any comment to
her, I just kept quiet about it. After a while Mrs. A couldn't stand not
knowing if her joke had worked and was forced to ask me about it, thus
disarming her own joke bomb. It's nice to take the wind out of her sails
once in a while.
The Even Less Talented Mr. Ripley
continued visiting us for the better part of a year before his cover was
blown and the horror that people REALLY COULD see what he was looking
at was made evident to him. While he was in one day, hoo-hoo dillying
away, a teenage boy came in to use a computer and the only one available
was the one by the staircase, next to Mr. E.L.T.'s computer. Mrs. A
reported to us later that she had been on her way upstairs when she
heard, "Psst," from the kid.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
The kid silently mouthed something to her that she didn't understand and kept nodding his head in Mr. E.L.T.'s direction.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Mrs. A asked, oblivious.
Again the kid silently mouthed his words and nodded more frantically, but she still didn't get it. Finally,
the kid couldn't take the frustration any more. "He's looking at naked
men!" the boy said in a loud whisper, pointing directly to Mr. E.L.T.
this, the Even Less Talented Mr. Ripley's ears perked up and he looked
around to see the wide-eyed faces of the kid and Mrs. A staring back at
him. He stood up, left his porn right there on the screen and walked out
of the library.
We've not seen him since.