My major project of the day was creating new Seefiles.
are the files we keep of deadbeat patrons who have kept our books well
beyond the customary loan period, refusing to return them despite
numerous attempts on our part to get them to do so. The name comes from
the note we put in their patron record so that when they attempt to
check anything else out we will notice "Seefile 97" and know that we are
to SEE the FILE containing all the deadbeat patrons from 1997. We go to
the filing cabinet, drag out Seefile 97, find the deadbeat patron's
slip with the offending lost books on it and we show it to them. We then
get to watch the deadbeat patron's feigned look of shock and horror
that we might even think they've had eight of our books out for the past
Well, let's see... you're Irwin
Wazonkowski, we only have one Irwin Wazonkowski in the system, nay, the
state... we're betting it's you. Give us our money. What? No money?
Okay, get out. That's right, get out. Get your crappy little car out
from in front of the building and don't come back without our money.
(That last bit will only happen in the Tales from the "Liberry" movie version, but the point still stands.)
let's recap: Seefile people are scum of the earth. They are the lowest
of the low. They are old crusty boogers found stuck to the bottom of our
computer chairs. And the Fagins are their royal family.
we didn't have any Fagins in today, but we're shoring up our defenses
against them for when our new circulation computer system goes live in
t-minus a couple of weeks. So my job today was to take our enormous
stack of overdues
from the past two years, write the barcode numbers of their books on
each overdue slip so we can remove them from our records later, then
check those books back into our computer and mark the patron records of
the deadbeat patrons who still have them as Seefiles, thus preventing
them from doing Jaqueline Schidt at the library until they pay up
or return their books. It's incredibly tedious and boring work, but I
tell you I absolutely love it. It's one of the most satisfying parts of
my job. I know deep down that we're probably NEEEVER gonna see these
people again. Hell, most of the ones in our Hopeless Causes pile have
long since fled the state, or at least the county and will never again
darken our door. Doesn't matter. Cause to me, Seefiling deadbeat patrons
is my small way of stickin' it to The Man...
...Actually, this doesn't stand up to scrutiny, cause it's really more like The Man stickin' it to the little guy, when you think about it. Doesn't mean the little guy's in the right, but that's more like it...
...Okay, forget about the stickin' it to The Man part. That was just bullshit. Look at it this way...
deadbeat patrons is my small way of fighting injustice in the world.
There ya go. That's the analogy I want. I'm the superhero squashing the
scum of the earth, wiping out the very toejam of the rotting foot of
crime, putting right what once went wrong, beating the ever-living hell
out of poop-brained morons with no regard for how a polite society is
supposed to work. It is my joy of joys.
Mrs. C, who knows full well just how much I love Seefiling,
intentionally didn't let Mrs. B and Mrs. J do much of it yesterday just
so I could have the pleasure of Seefiling deadbeats all day today. It
was wonderful! I spent my day giving off evil cackles of glee as I added
loser after loser to the pile.
I suspect I'm really not supposed to get quite so much enjoyment out of this, but dammit, I do.