Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Actual Non-Fantasy Telephone Conversations Actually Heard at My House #109

(This, by the way, is a direct sequel to Actual Fantasy Telephone Conversations Not Actually Heard in My House #99 except this time it really was heard in my house.)


ME— Hello?


ME— Hello?


JOHN— Hello. Mr. Aaron?

ME— Yes?

JOHN— Hi, my name is John and I work for the State Troopers' Association. As you may know, our Winter fund drive…

ME— I'm sorry, but we don't accept telephone solicitation of...


ME— (I am momentarily stunned) Woooooow!


ME— Woooooooooooow!

THE WIFE— What?!

ME— That guy hung the f--k up on me.


ME— That was the state troopers again. He just hung up on me. Mid-sentence. He didn't even try to do the usual spiel. Just hung up.

THE WIFE— (Not getting it) Yeah?

ME— Well... (Pause) That's even more insulting than if he kept trying to do the spiel.

THE WIFE— (Shakes her head and walks away)

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An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.