An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Actual Semi-Paraphrased, Second-Hand Information Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #128

SETTING: My "liberry" some hours before my arrival, though reported in detail later on. A male patron approaches the circ-desk, turns in five Dick Francis novels and marches off to the mystery section, presumably for more. Mrs. A checks them in and notices that the man has a sixth Dick Francis book still out. She steps out toward the mystery shelves where the patron is browsing through the Dick Francis section.

MRS. A Excuse me, sir, but I just wanted to let you know that you still have 0dds Against by Dick Francis checked out and overdue.

MAN 0dds Against? No, I don't have that book.

MRS. AYou brought it back?

MAN I never had it. I never checked it out.

MRS. A Are you sure?

MAN Yes. I don't read Dick Francis.

MRS. A (Glancing at the other books in our Dick Francis collection on the shelf in front of which the man is directly standing) Uh... Didn't you just bring back five Dick Francis books?

(Pause)

MAN Yes... But I never had 0dds Against.

MRS. A You're sure?

MAN Yes. I brought that back last week.

MRS. A You never had it... but you brought it back last week?

MAN I saw it on the shelf here today.

MRS. A (Glancing again at the Dick Francis shelf where 0dds Against is clearly NOT located) It's not here now, sir.

MAN (Stares blankly at her)

MRS. A Do you think you could have a look at home?

MAN All right.

4 comments:

Spottydotty1 said...

I love this post. I've been in that time-warp before. I feel your, er, her pain.

Nike said...

Do you think he's trying to pick up tips from the books and failing miserably?

crsunlimited said...

Normally when this type of thing happens at our library we find the book in the book drop later in the week, or we never see that patron again. Sometimes it's worth the $30+to replace the book just to never have those patrons return to the library.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he was going for a Jedi Mind Trick . . .