An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Spring is here, spring is here. Life is skittles, life is beer. I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring? Don't you? Course you do.

Spring has once again come to Tri-Metro. You can tell by the usual signs...

...the birds are singing...

...the trees are starting to bud...

... and Fatty Manchild has donned his traditional, inadvisedly chosen, sleeveless cutoff t-shirt and jam shorts and has begun parading this ensemble and others remarkably similar to it at our "liberry" on a daily basis as a returning member of the innanet crowd.

And while Mr. F. Manchild has not demonstrated the courtesy of turning off or even turning down the volume of his cell phone, he has at least switched its ringtone from Kid Rock's "Bawitdaba" to something else. Unfortunately, his new choice of ringtone is almost as inadvisable as his choice of attire, for now his phone blares very loud Calliope music.

After spending the better part of two hours with us one day last week, during which his phone went off on more than one occasion, Mr. F. Manchild departed the building and I went over to reboot his computer. There on the desk beside his computer was his wallet. I grabbed it and ran out to the parking lot, where he was only just starting his car. I held up his wallet and waggled it in the air, as if to say, "Forget something important?" When he noticed it, Fatty Manchild looked as though he might pass out from the sudden relief that he had been saved from the potentially nasty and complicated financial decimation that might have ensued had a less ethical person been the first to notice his property.

7 comments:

J said...

Thanks. Now I have the song "Hot Child in the City," stuck in my head except that the phrase "Fatty Manchild," replaces "Hot Child." Nice.

Juice S. Aaron said...

Great. Now I do, too.

Thanks.

Anonymous said...

You are Fatty Manchild's HERO!! Bask in the glow of it, baby -- you deserve it!

Anonymous said...

Let me get you back on track:
"All the world seems in tune
on a bright afternoon
when we're
POISONING pigeons in the park!"
Ahhh. Tom Lehrer!
--David, Library Tech. up North

Anonymous said...

Yup . . . thanx a bunch . . .

Scott M said...

But I have "Poisoning Pigeons in the ParK" going through my head, which I guess is preferable except it always transitions (in my head)into "The Maschochism Tango". And you just don't want to be caught singing the lyrics softly to yourself...

Obsessed With Signs said...

Calliope music? I didn't even know they made that as a ringtone.

Don't give our patrons any ideas...