An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Monday, December 03, 2007

"Liberry" Glossary: Gorebits

Gorebits
-noun (plural)

  1. Small, often triangular wedges of torn paper towel found dotting the floor of our public restrooms at any given point during the day, but especially at closing time. These are fragments of larger paper towels that have been torn asunder due to the inability of our patrons to simply pull the entire towel from the towel dispenser, whole. We're not certain why patrons seem to be having such difficulty with such a simple a task, as we the staff have personally tested each towel dispenser and have found them to be in functioning order and containing towels that are quite easy to remove with no tearing necessary. However, the sheer amount of Gorebits left behind on the floor indicates that our patron population is indeed in need of assistance and/or a tutorial session when it comes to their use. It should be noted that at no time has it ever occurred to our patrons to deposit their torn Gorebits in the waste-receptical conveniently located DIRECTLY BENEATH the paper towel dispenser. No, the Gorebits are instead released to float on the fecal-particle-laden air-currents until they find a new home on the floor where they remain until the staff has to clean them up at the end of the day. Gorebits are named in honor of former Vice President Al Gore, who would no doubt be appalled to know that an entire paper towel's worth of paper is being wasted each day in the form of Gorebits.

  2. A wildly unpopular corn-based breakfast cereal released by General Mills in 2000. It was distinctive in that the cereal was manufactured in the shape of uncounted hanging chads and tasted like bitter defeat. It went out of production in 2002 after it was discovered the only person still eating it was its namesake.

5 comments:

Gardenbuzzy said...

Frankly, I think Al Gore would be pleased to have them name after him. After all, he invented the "innanet". (gardenbuzzy rolling eyes)

Anonymous said...

Oh Juice, I know it's your blog but oy vey the politics.
Al Gore served in Viet Nam. George W. Bush hid in the National Guard.
Al Gore has a Nobel Peace Prize. George W. Bush has precipiated the deaths of more innocent people in Iraq than those who died on September 11th, 2001. Saddam? Dead. Osama bin Laden? Still at large and no longer considered a threat?
Al Gore has an Emmy Award and an Academy Award. George W. Bush has the entire collection of Davey and Goliath on Betamax.
Al Gore has appeared on Futurama three times. George W. Bush was the subject of a short-lived unfunny sitcom by the creators of South Park.
Al Gore laughingly claims to have invented the internet. George W. Bush graduated from Harvard with a 2.35 GPA. Okay they're about equal on the last two.

Juice S. Aaron said...

Anonymous,

Dude. And you say I'm bringing politics into it?

Mary Ellen said...

Wait, did I miss the part where you were praising Bush, Juice?

Juice S. Aaron said...

Thank you Mary Ellen.

Ridiculing Al Gore does not equal praising President Bush.