An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Tales of the Good Patrons Week

A week or so back, a post-commenter commented that my posts of late seem to indicate that I am a good deal more bitter and in need of a vacation than the happy Juice of old. I'd not thought so until that moment, but upon consideration I can see how perhaps there is some merit to this observation. After all, I save up all these stories about the behavior of our "bad" patrons, yet give hardly any play to the other 90 to 95 percent of our patron population, or, our "good" patrons.

So this week, let's devote some time to looking at those "Good" patrons who prove that it ain't all bad down "liberry" way.

8 comments:

A Real Librarian said...

Interesting concept!! I'm in!

Anonymous said...

random and off-topic. Last Wed, Dec 5th, was National Ninja Day. Did the great liberry ninja do anything special to celebrate?

crsunlimited said...

That sounds boring. What would you chunk up here? "Today Mrs. Goodpatron returned her books 3 days before her due date. As always she is considerate of other patrons reading needs."

It just wouldn't be the same.

Tollula said...

Kudos! I'm trying to do the same. It's a good idea to acknowledge the few, the brave, the nice people who come to the library and make it all worthwhile.

Anonymous said...

Guys, you won't believe it! Mr. Puppy, second happiest man on Earth, came in wearing a Dr. Who t-shirt that featured Tom Baker. I gave him accolades for being "old skool". Anyway he smiled and handed over his $300 (!!!) annual donation for the "liberry", signed up for using the "innanet" and happily waited because all the computers were full and none of them could be busted off since at the very least one of them had fifteen minutes yet.
While he waited and read today's copy of The W@LL $treet J0urn@L in one of our seats Mr. Stanky came in with Ron the Ripper! I rolled my eyes waiting to see what shenanigans they were going to pull but Ron greeted me pleasantly, asked me if I could recommend a good Young Adult novel. That's when I noticed I was in the midst of a fragrant haze. A few hesitant whiffs and I realized it was Old Spice. Usually with 0ld Sp1ce you can tell when it's just covering up the fact that someone didn't bathe and they're just being quick and dirty about their hygiene YET I couldn't smell that undercurrent of B.O..
I asked Ron if he might have a date tonight and he shook his head. The only other person at the circ desk was Mr. Stanky. It couldn't be him. After suggesting S@mur@1 Sh0rtst0p by Alan Gratz Ron went off to find the book. Mr. Stanky came up and I was shocked to see he was wearing a crisp, clean Blue 0yster t-shirt and brand new, clean W@L*M@RT jeans that still had the creases in them. I was nearly overwhelmed by the not-unpleasant smell of 0ld Sp1ce. Was it really Mr. Stanky? I squinted my eyes at him while he returned his books, there wasn't any dandruff on his shoulders or the front of his shirt, everything was neat and clean about him. Later when he checked out the liberry card proved it was Stanky!
Will wonders ever cease?
Ron returned and thanked me for the suggestion but felt the book wasn't his speed and went to use the bathroom. Inwardly I sighed and after an excruciating fifteen minutes Ron came out, waved good-bye and was on his way.
I dashed into the bathroom covering my face with my shirt only to be greeted by the smell of Gl@de! "Something has to be wrong" I thought to myself as I nudged the door to the stall open fearing having to flush, let alone plunge, Ron's "donation".
The toilet was clean and empty. Around the toilet the floor was dry and I didn't see a single scrap of toilet paper except on the roll.
What a great day!
-Juice

Juice S. Aaron said...

Wow! I never expected my site to be the inspiration for parody, but that was damn near flawless. And multi-layered. That's like the entirety of this site distilled into one entry, as posted from the Bizarro universe.

Superb job, Anonymous sir, miss or madam! Superb indeed.

Anonymous said...

Thank you and you are welcome. My Christmas gift to you. And it's Mr. Anonymous. I am legion.

Juice S. Aaron said...

National Ninja day, eh?

Let's see... what did I do last Wednesday to celebrate?

Oh, yeah. I took a satisfactory ninja-dump. I did it at work, though, so it counts toward my overall ninja points.