Monday, August 23, 2004

Actual Semi-Paraphrased Second-Hand Information Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #6

SETTING: Our "liberry". A new patron has come in and applied for a library card with our new circulation system. My fellow "liberry" ass. Mrs. B took the man's information typed it into our computer and issued him a new library card.

MRS. B: (TO NEW PATRON) ...and you'll need to bring your library card each time you want to check out a book.

NEW PATRON: Oh, okay.

UNRELATED EAVESDROPPING FEMALE PATRON WHO ALREADY HAS A NEW CARD: What? Did you just say we have to have our library card to check out books?

MRS. B: Um, yeah. You do.


UNRELATED EAVESDROPPING FEMALE PATRON WHO ALREADY HAS A NEW CARD: (ANGRILY) Homeland Security!!

(PATRON THEN STORMS OUT OF THE LIBRARY.)Now, could someone please explain to me how having a library card to check out a book--a time honored practice at libraries world wide for at least the past, oh, century--has anything at all to do with Homeland Security? Even if we didn't require you to actually HAVE your card, your patron account is still being accessed by us and books put on it. How is that any different from if we scanned your frickin' card? 

And even if Homeland Security somehow DID have something to do with knowing what you've checked out, doesn't it make sense that having a library card would have no effect whatsoever on their ability to crack into a given library database and find out what was being checked out?
I'm really tempted to start telling patrons who complain like this that if they don't bring their library card Tom Ridge will personally come to their house and kick them in the ass. Trouble is, this would just feed the flames of their paranoia and confirm their worst fears. 

Son of a B! 

D-MINUS: 11

No comments:


An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.