It's been a splendid Valentine's Day. In fact, it's been a downright splendid Valentine's weekend.
My wife Ashley and I decided also to forego all the
cards and flowers and traditional Valentine's day gifts in favor of just
eating whatever the hell we want all weekend long.
See, my best friend in the world,
Mr. Joe "Damn" Evans and his girlfriend Lorna Abbigail (not her real
name) drove in from Richmond to see the play I'm in and hang with us for
the evening. We thought it would be rude to subject them to our
monastic diet, so carb-chomping we did go. (In fact, when I finish this
sentence, I'll be devouring the final bite of a crazy-tasty peanut
butter and jelly sandwich made with genuine Jiff peanut butter on two
slices of fresh, heavenly Tuscan bread. Mmm, that's some peanut butter
goodness for your ass.)
As far as Liberry-related
stuff goes, it's been a phenomonally boring week there. About the most
exciting thing that happened was the decision to do not one but TWO Patron Appreciation Days this month.
For the past year or so, we've done an open house PAD
the last Friday of every month. This is a day where we the liberry
staff bring in home-baked goods and sundry sweets, set it all up on a
table with punch or cider and let the patrons have at it all day Friday
and, if we're feeling especially generous and have stuff left over,
Saturday and Sunday too. (Patrons, though appreciated, are still not
allowed to cart their punch back to the computers, thank you VERY much
Mr. B-Natural.) Ostensibly we do this because we like our patrons, but I
think we secretly just want to make the other libraries in the county
look like they're slacking off and hate their patrons, which is quite
possibly true in many cases.
The weather being what it's been around here, we
didn't do a PAD in January. So Mrs. A and Mrs. C decided that since it
was Valentine's weekend, they would do PAD's on Thursday AND Friday of
"Oh, great!" I said when I heard the plan. "Now I'll have TWO days of sheer torture instead of just the one."
See, the trouble with all these PAD's is, I always
have to work them and since I've been doing Atkins I can't eat any of
the tasty goodies and wind up having to eat low-carb stuff like
pepperoni, peanuts and pork rinds just to stave off my cravings for
what's on the sweets table. I was able to save myself on Thursday by
tucking into some mixed nuts. By Friday, though, I was feeling kind of
weak-willed. I decided that since we were going to be cheating later on
anyway cause of Joe and Lorna I could go ahead and eat what I wanted
and it wouldn't really matter in the end. With that firmly
rationalized, I started biting and managed to put away several cookies
and a heart-shaped Rice Crispies treat before I could be stopped.
The only other exciting thing that
happened during the first PAD was a visit from some of our mentally
handicapped friends from down the road. They saw the table of goodies
and naturally wanted some. This is cool with us, as they are some of
our most faithful, and usually great patrons (Ron the Ripper, excepted).
Their aid, who I believe is the same greenhorn
who was so appalled at Ron's behavior a few weeks back, didn't seem to
think it was a good idea for his two clients to have any food. I guess
if I was him I'd live in fear of sugar-rushes too. Finally he relented,
though, after his clients completely ignored all of his attempts to
verbally draw them away from the table.
"Excuse me," one of the clients said. "Could you come
pour some of this for us?" He was pointing to the little crock pot
full of hot cider we had set up.
"Sure thing," I told him and came around from behind
the counter to help out. Unfortunately, our choice of cups was not
ideal. Mrs. A had brought in those thin, clear plastic cups, that do
cold drinks great but tend to melt when hot liquid is poured into them.
I found this out after pouring a ladle of cider into one, which nearly
scalded my hand through the cup itself. I only filled them to 2/3's
full so there would still be a sufficient lip for the men to grab on to.
"Now, be very careful with these. They're really
hot," I said, passing the first cup to the man who had asked me to come
pour. I poured a second cup, which the other man snatched out of my
"Be careful, it's hot! NO! WAIT! IT'S HOT!!!"
Too late, the man lifted the cup to his lips and took a
big gulp. He immediately began blinking rapidly and licking his lips,
but didn't seem all that put out otherwise.
This morning we arose and drove 50 miles down the road to
breakfast at Biscuit World. Allow me to sing the praises of Biscuit
World. It's just aFrickin'Mazing! When you order a biscuit
sandwich from Biscuit World, you're playing with live ammo. Don't make
the mistake of assuming you're gonna get the traditional crappy tiny
biscuit the fast food world has become known for. No sir, Pepe. You're
getting a big ass cat's head biscuit, piping hot with your choice of
After gorging ourselves there, we
piled back in the car and headed one exit back east to Grand View. If
you're ever in the Beckley, WV, area, besides a manditory stop at
Biscuit World, you should head over to Grand View State Park. There you
can see one of the best views in the country of the second oldest river
in the world, ironicaly dubbed the New River. I won't even
attempt to describe how cool it is there, but suffice it to say it's one
of my favorite places in the world. You can probably even find
pictures online if you're so inclined. We went out and trudged through
the snow and stood at the overlook and took it all in. We also stomped
around the stage of Theatre West Virginia, where Joe did Summer Stock
over four years back, two full years before we moved to the area.
It's just been a great weekend all around.
Being Valentine's day, I'm gonna stop wasting time on the internet and go spend it with my sweety.