An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Actual Telephone Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #1

(*RING*)

ME: Tri-Metro County Public Library.

FEMALE CALLER: Yeah, um, what's the number of the fifth Harry Potter book?

ME: What's the number of the fifth Harry Potter book?

CALLER: Yeah.

ME: That would be five.

(LONG PAUSE)

CALLER: What?

ME: Five. The number of the fifth book in the Harry Potter series is five.

CALLER: Oh. I meant, `what's the title?'

ME: That would be Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

CALLER: No, the fifth book!

ME: That is the fifth book.

CALLER: Really? Well, what's the sixth one.

ME: There is no sixth one.

CALLER: Yeah there is.

ME: Nope. There will be seven but she's still got two books to go.

CALLER: Really?

ME: Really. (SENSING DISBELIEF) There's Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. That's all five.

CALLER: Oh. Well.... Thanks.

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