SETTING: My "liberry" as hard of hearing and fourth grumpiest old man in all the world, Mr. Dent, enters and approaches the desk, book in hand. He drops the book on the counter. It's Robert Ludlum's The Janson Directive.
MR. DENT— May I ask you a personal question?
MR. DENT— (With great emphasis on the word "sir") How many of Sir Robert Ludlum's books have you read?
MR. DENT— What?
ME— (Louder) I haven't read any of them. My wife has, though.
MR. DENT— Which ones did she like?
ME— She liked the Bourne Identity series.
MR. DENT— What?
ME— (Louder) The Bourne Identity series.
MR. DENT— Are they in?
ME— Let me check. (Starts title search in OPAC)
MR. DENT— Because if I had to base an opinion on this book, I wouldn't give him a good review. Too verbose. Too many characters. Too complicated. Not good.
ME— (Looking down at the book for a moment to check if Janson's a Fake Shemp Erik Van Lustbader Mini-Ludlum or the full-size Ludlum. It's the full size Ludlum.) Looks like Bourne Identity is out.
MR. DENT— Are there others?
ME— Yeah, but Bourne Identity is the first one you should read.
MR. DENT— What else did your wife like?
ME— The Bourne Supremacy.
MR. DENT— Ah. Another Bourne. I'll wait.
(I consider informing him that "Sir" Robert Ludlum, as pointed out to me by my readers, was actually an American and therefore had not been knighted. However, Mr. Dent seems to take such joy in lording his mistaken knowledge over people that it's just as entertaining to let him keep at it. After he leaves, I put him on hold for The Bourne Identity.)