Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Actual Conversations, Telephone and Otherwise, Heard in Actual Libraries #122

*RING*

ME Tri-Metro County Library.

EVIL LIBERRY TELEMARKETER
Hello, my name is Michael and I'm calling from LIBERRY MATERIALS PUBLISHING COMPANY. May I speak to the head librarian?

ME
I'm sorry, but she's in a meeting right now. Can I take a message?

ELT
What about the head children's librarian?

ME (My "Evil-Liberry-Telemarketer Sense" begins to tingle.) I'm sorry, but she's involved with Story Hour at the moment. Can I take a message?

ELT
Are there any other children's librarians available?

ME
(Looks at Mrs. B) Yeah, sortof... (My "Evil-Liberry-Telemarketer Sense" begins to tingle strongly) Um... Actually, if this is a sales call, we don't take sales calls. We welcome anything you'd care to mail to us, but we don't take sales calls. At all.

ELT
(Lies through teeth) No, this isn't a sales call. Maybe you can help me. Is your library participating in the Summer Reading program this year?

ME
(Cautiously) Yeaahhh.

ELT
And what is the theme for this year?

ME
Um... let me let you speak to someone who knows the answer.

(Puts phone on hold and turns to Mrs. B)

ME
What's the Summer Reading theme for this year?

MRS. B
I don't know. We haven't picked it yet.

(Mrs. A wanders out of staff workroom where she had indeed been meeting with Ms. D)

MRS. A
(Indicating phone) Who is it?

ME Some guy who says he's not a telemarketer asking about Summer Reading.

MRS. A
Gimme. (I give Mrs. A the phone) Hello, this is MRS. A the library director.

(Listens)

MRS. A No, we've not chosen the theme yet.

(Listens)

MRS. A No, you're welcome to send us information in the mail, but we do not take sales calls over the phone.

ME
(Loudly whispers in direction of receiver) What did I just tell you?!

MRS. A No. No, we don't take sales calls over the phone.

(Listens)

MRS. A No, do not send any product packs. We do not want product packs. Please send information only.

(Listens)

MRS. A Thank you. Good bye. (Hangs up)

ME You should have totally let me have him back. I would have loved to say, "What did I JUST tell you, dude?! Not a sales call MY ASS!"

MRS. A
Yeah. He was a slick one.

2 comments:

Dances With Books said...

I understand people have to work, but telemarketers as far as I am concerned are barely a step above primordial slime (and we know the slime may at least evolve). Here, any of those I am lucky I simply transfer to the acquisitions guy, who I am sure tells them something similar.

Lisa said...

Having fallen for the carrot of some fabulous prize drawing, I dropped a card in box at a conference, and, accordingly, got a sales call. No problem: I get to send the call up to an acquisitions person, too.

Only, this sales dude called back *three times* just so I could tell him three times, No, really, call J at this number . . . .


An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.