An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Monday, October 08, 2007

My Ass: Fate Gives in to Temptation and Takes a Second Bite

It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives... or, at least, sanity.

I tangentially referred to Chester the (Potential) Molester in my post on Friday morning. Not even a name check, but a link to a name check. So, naturally, he had to turn up at the "liberry" later in the day. Since this rarely fails to happen when he is referred to in any way, I should probably just make it a rule to stop referring to him in any way. Now that the spell has been cast and completed, however, here's what happened...

Chester strolled in shortly after 5, when I was the only staff member on duty and thus unavailable to shadow his every move throughout the building. Fortunately, he didn't start casing the joint for underage girls and came right over to me at the circ desk, moving with ease and fluidity despite the unconcealed look of hatred and death I was beaming in his direction. (Others have withered beneath the power of my gaze, but Chester has been infuriatingly immune to it.)

Care to take a guess what Chester asked me for?

Why, yes, you are correct: Yet another #%$&ing FAFSA form!

Course, it took me a couple of tries to actually understand what he was asking for, because of his traditional low mumbling and general refusal to speak up and enunciate, but a FAFSA form it was.

I told him we didn't have any and that I hadn't seen any for months. This was completely true. And it's not that we don't like having FAFSA forms available for our patrons, it's just that our lack of forms is almost entirely due to Chester having taken ALL of them during previous visits. (I suspect he's making an underage papier-mâché sex doll out of them.)

Chester mumbled something about the community college library being closed for the evening, hence why he sought them from us. Then he asked for a computer.

My major dilemma in giving him a computer was that the only two available computers were near another one being used by a high school-aged girl. My choice was to either seat him diagonally across from her, where he'd have a good line of sight on her, or I could seat him directly next to her where he'd be directly next to her. I opted to put him across from her.

I lurked at the desk, watching him like a hawk—albeit a hawk who's seriously considering becoming a vegetarian, cause the prey around here is unappetizingly bloated and gamey-looking and tends to wear ratty knit hats. During my surveillance, I never saw Chester at the girl at all. And from what little I could see, his web-surfing seemed to be limited to sports-related sites and nothing Chris Hanson might be able to bust him for. (Now there's an episode of Dateline I would love to see!)

Chester left after around 10 minutes without further incident and without his precious FAFSA form. And while I will now shut up talking about him, so as to avoid repeat visits, I suspect he might make another appearance soon because his arrival reminds me that we need to warn Ms. D about him and he will no doubt be summoned by the forthcoming mention of his name.

3 comments:

Vacula said...

You probably won't be seeing any FAFSAs arrive, either... as of 9/13/07, the new policy is to have them online primarily with print copies available only upon request. They won't be sending them out in general anymore:

http://ifap.ed.gov/eannouncements/0913FAFSAFOTW0809Update.html

Anonymous said...

Aren't FAFSA forms due in February or March anyway? There is usually a great rush at the CPA's office around then because folks need their tax return to complete their FAFSA form...

Juice S. Aaron said...

I have no idea of where to get them or when they are due. And I doubt Chester does either.

My only personal experience with FAFSA forms beyond Chester was when I filled one out for some college funds, only doing so after I'd already secured a loan through my bank. Pissed the financial aid department right off, too, cause they don't like it when you do things backwards and when you get your own loan without their help. Made me fill out all the forms and sit through financial aid guidance films and everything before they'd fork over the money my bank was already willing to give me.