Monday, October 22, 2007

Dear Future DUI Arrestee Patron...

...please do not think for even a moment that I did not see you go out to your vehicle, rummage around in your back seat floor and emerge with five or six empty beer cans which you then attempted to cram into our book return.

I don't know if you were being a douchebag intentionally or if you're merely illiterate and thus incapable of reading the giant BOOK RETURN sign on the front of the book return's door or if you were already too drunk to see it clearly. I personally suspect a combination of illiteracy and douchebaggery may be in evidence, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the whole public-drunkenness thing as I did not detect fumes about your person earlier nor did you seem at all drunk.

Whatever the case, your little depository plan did not work so well due to the fact that we keep our book return locked during the day. As I noted, you seemed a mite confused on this point, until you glanced around and finally noticed the conveniently located trash receptacle nearby. Thank you for then managing to get all of your cans in ours.

Please gnaw on a loin.

--juice

10 comments:

Jan said...

So, did you call the cops?

DRF said...

We once got a bloody deer leg in the drop, and ours is most certainly *not* a rural library.

Anonymous said...

We had a dead lobster placed in ours once . . .

Anonymous said...

*hic* you librariarians tink yer sho shmart wit yer booksh *hic* an' innanet. iffen you tink yer so tough why dontcha come on out an' tell me like a *passes out*

Terry said...

I once found 3 used condoms in ours... but we keep ours open all day! And.. we caught them on tape!

PiratePrincess said...

Wow, and I thought we got strange things in our bookdrop.

Woeful said...

"empty beer cans which you then attempted to cram into our book return.
"
-- He just wanted to leave you a present.

Juice S. Aaron said...

No, I didn't call the cops. The guy wasn't drunk as far as I could tell and he'd been inside with his female companion using computers moments before. I'm pretty sure he was just taking the opportunity to clean out the back seat floor from the previous weekend's drinking, which for all I know could have been done by backseat passengers in his car while he was the designated driver.

Yep. That's the world I think I prefer to live in.

Anonymous said...

I drive past a private high school every morning and watch the girls toss their cigarettes out the car windows into the neighbors' yards. Guess they have been brought up with manners to know it isn't nice to leave the car smelling like stale smoke, when there is everywhere else to leave the butts.

Anonymous said...

Worst thing we've ever gotten in living memory was a dead pidgeon, the day after Halloween.


An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.