Patience Testing

We had a kid come in yesterday who needed to use the on-line practice-test service we subscribe to. I don't even know what test he was there to take, but I was sent back to show him how to log in from our home page. No prob.

There wasn't much competition for any of our three computers at the time, but that soon changed as the usual afternoon internet crowd began filing in. Chief among them was Parka, who entered clad in his namesake big white puffy Michelin Man parka despite the fact that it was only in the upper 50's outside and hardly warranted such heavy winter gear. Still, it did mark the first appearance of his coat this season, so those of you playing the official Tales from the "Liberry" drinking game may now have a swig of the adult beverage of your choice.

After about 45 minutes, someone came in for a computer and it was Parka's turn to get busted off. It's our policy to give on-line test-takers as much time as they need to complete their test, so the kid was immune from busting, as was the patron on the third computer who had come in after Parka.

I went back and told Parka we had someone in to use a computer, which is my usual code for "Get off!" I returned to the circ desk where a full four minutes crawled by with no movement from Parka. I can understand giving him a minute to wrap up his conversation with his e-skank chatroom buddy, but two minutes would be pushing it and four minutes shoves me right into pissed off mode. I grabbed up his timer and headed back. As I reached his computer, I pressed the reset button of the timer a few times, causing a shrill repetitive beeping.

"No, really. Someone is waiting," I told him. Then I stood there and waited for him to log off. After his computer was in reboot mode, I started to head back up front to alert the new computer patron when Parka stopped me in the children's room.

"That guy in the middle was there a lot longer than me," he complained. His near monotone "Officer Barbrady" voice was, as usual, unnecessarily loud and I have no doubt that the testing kid in the very next room heard him loud and clear.

"He's taking a test," I said, then turned away, feeling the matter had been adequately explained.

"He gets more time than me?"

"Yes," I said, still walking away.

"So some people get more computer time than others?"

I stopped and turned around, glaring at him. "He's... taking... a... test," I said. This didn't seem to compute for Parka. "We give people taking a test more time so they can finish their test." This still didn't seem to work for him, but he decided not to argue the point any further.

"Well, when's his time up?"

"I don't know."

"Well when can I have a computer?"

"I don't know."

This seemed to throw him long enough for me to start back to the circulation desk, where the rightful user of the computer was still waiting. Parka followed along behind me.

"You guys close at seven, right?"

"Yes," I said.

Oooh, Parka asked about our hours for the 327th time. Take another drink.