Parka On Fire

We think Parka may have been fired from his job.  This came as kind of a surprise, as we didn't know he had a job in the first place. We've been operating under the assumption that he's just been sponging off his elderly mother for the past several months, when he's not on our computers chatting with e-skanks. Apparently, though, he has been working in some capacity for an area resort.

The reason we're pretty sure he's been fired from the resort is that two other employees of the resort happened to come in today, saw Parka and then had conversations with him concerning his firing. I managed to overhear portions of both.

I can honestly say I was not eavesdropping; our library is just really small and Parka is just really loud. It actually took a while to piece the theory about his firing together, though, as these conversations took place several hours apart. This is because being fired really opened up Parka's schedule, allowing him to spend THE WHOLE EFFING DAY at the library, chatting with e-skanks and breathing up our air.  I didn't even realize he was fired based on what little I heard of the first conversation. Instead, it just sounded like he was complaining about work. I heard him tell the first former fellow employee who'd recognized him that he'd been written up by his supervisor for eating something he wasn't supposed to (big sin at the resort from what I hear) and for paying "excessive attention" to the female guests (huge surprise there). Now I would be embarassed enough about at least one of those write ups that I would keep it to myself. (Actually, I'd probably just blog about it, further eroding my carefully-crafted reputation as a really together guy.) Not Parka. He was practically shouting it to the world, which is how I could hear it from an entire FLOOR away. I doubt he was even fired for either of those offenses, though. It's far more likely that he was merely seasonal help and the resort is entering its big slow down for the year, so lots of folks are laid off. But, again, I didn't even know he'd been fired at this point.

Hours later, the second former fellow-employee came in. This woman was truly frightening. She was still in her resort uniform, but had let her mostly bleached blond hair down. I say mostly because her hair was very long and very bleached except for about five inches near her scalp, which was colored the most strange and disturbing combination of hues I've ever seen in supposedly natural hair. I immediately christened her Ms. Rusted Roots, as THAT's what color those roots were. Well, one of the colors anyway. There were actually shades of rust and gold and gray and brown and baby-crap. I have no idea how she achieved it either, as most of the time when bleached hair grows out, the natural color shows up to replace it instead of a damn rainbow wig. Considering the Doc Savage look I'm currently sporting, I realize I'm not someone who should be lobbing insults about other people's hair... but, damn.

Ms. Rusted Roots went to look at books on tape and ran into Parka. I didn't hear specifics on what they were saying, but the general tone was one of complaint and lament. I was amazed at how much of a Chatty Cathy he was being.

After finishing up their gab-session, Ms. Rusted Roots came up to the circ-desk with her selections. She must have assumed I'd heard everything and that I somehow knew Parka had been fired because she told me, "They're getting rid of some of the best-looking people from over at the hotel."

I thought my head was going to explode from the sudden rush of implications in that statement. Everything I'd learned throughout the day suddenly added up in my head. If I understood her correctly, she not only meant that Parka had been fired from the resort but also that she, Ms. Rusted Roots, had classified PARKA as one of the "best-looking people from over at the hotel."  (Insert Scooby Doo "HrruuuuhhHH?" exclamation.)

Had the bleach affected her eyesight? Could she not see the shag-carpet of body hair straining to break free of the confines of his shirt? Did she not notice the pictures of the half-naked girls on his monitor while they spoke? And just why the hell did she feel the need to involve ME in any of this? Owww, it hurt to even think about!

"Well, whut can you do when you're at the bottom rung of decision-making?" she added, then thankfully left, taking her chemical-burn of a scalp with her.

So it looks as though we'll be seeing even more of Parka than usual for a while.

Joy.