I tell you, there's nothing I love more than when I come in for a
Sunday shift, unlock the door and the very first patron through—Sunday Bob, a regular Sunday morning patron, hence the name, and a guy
who had been pounding on the door to get in mere moments
before—immediately goes into the restroom, spreads his cheeks and lets
fly with a turd so stanky that our previous supply of fresh air flees in
terror, leaving behind a sudden vacuum that instantly spreads the
stench throughout the entire building.
Now, I am fully
aware that the human ass can produce some pretty rank odors. I also
realize it's hardly this guy's fault his ass fumes stank so bad.
However, that's why God made air-freshener and that's why we keep a stock of said
air-freshener in a VERY obvious location within the said EFFing restroom. I
hardly need add that our particular can of said air-freshener went entirely
unused by said patron.
Upon getting a whiff of dude's fumes, I
experienced the sort of instantaneous anger one gets when punched in the
back of the head unexpectedly. I wanted to march in there, grab the
Airwick from the restroom and empty the contents of the can while
goose-stepping up and down the computer hall, reciting "Ode To A Stanky Patron" in a German accent. I
imagine that had I actually done this, it might have offended the patron.
Well, so what? I'm offended that he had no more common sense or
consideration for others than to turn my library into a hot zone!
Fortunately, I didn't have the sac to do that, nor to merely go back and spray down the restroom.
Perhaps I need to revisit my idea about putting up a sign in the restroom.
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