An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Notes on Yesterday

Beyond our adventures with Chester, yesterday also brought a couple three other developments, only one of which is actual good news.

  • The good news is that Mrs. J, our library assistant who recently suffered a heart attack is gong to return to work on February 3.

  • This will take some investigation.


  • Mrs. A confirmed that our suspect in the case of the Mystery of the Stolen Laptop has indeed NOT returned to use our computers since it's theft nearly 2 weeks ago. This was a patron who was a DAILY visitor to the premesis, so it seems mighty strange that he has suddenly disappeared. He's been sighted in the area, so we know he's still in town. We're debating what to do about it, but my own suggestion is that we track down the Untalented Mr. Ripley and have him retrieve it for us in exchange for computer privilages.
  • And last night, while trying to get all my crap done in preparation for closing up the library so I could jet over to play practice, I discovered some NEW crap. Yes indeedy Bob, as I went into our little cubby hole of a public restroom to retrieve some garbage bags, what should I find on the SEAT of our toilet but a smear of fecal matter. Not a tiny smear of poo either. It looked like someone had wiped their ass on the rear portion of the seat itself. This also did not appear to be the accidental splatter of someone suffering intestinal difficulties (a.k.a, the screaming shits). This looked almost certainly intentional. And not only was there a dried streak of shinola on the seat itself, but a more liquid manifestation of it had dripped down onto the rim of the bowl itself and underneath the actual TANK! I had to run all our patrons off and lock all the doors of the library just so no one could hear my curses as I rolled out our kitchen strength spray-bottle of Clorox Cleanup and cleaned that riesty mess up.

    Who in their right mind would accidentally shit on the toilet seat and then walk away and leave it? Who wouldn't even make an attempt to clean up after themselves?

    I can think of only one person who might commit such a deed with forethought...

    ...The Serial Shitter.

    Which is kind of odd, because I don't think that the man we've always suspected of BEING the Serial Shitter even came in yesterday.
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