Actual Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #138

SETTING: My "liberry" at the start of the Monday workday. I've taken two armloads of books from our book return when I realize the thing is as full as it could possibly be and not vomit books out of it's door. Instead of making eight trips, I figure it'll be easier to take the removable wheeled book bin from inside the book return housing and roll it inside. The only trouble with this is, it's unbelievably squeaky. My trip across the paving stones outside and then across the tile inside sounded like this...

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

(opens outer door)

*CLUNKCLUNK*

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

(opens inner door)

*CLUNKCLUNK*

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

(The entirety of the library's population stares at me in deep irritation at the enormity of the sound I am causing)

ME— (Looks up, shrugs) The world's loudest book return.

(Now I can either abandon the thing at the door, or drag it the rest of the way to the circ desk.)

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

ME— Should probably oil that.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*
*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

MS. M— You can probably put some WD-40 on those wheels.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

ME— Yeah, I know. That's what I said.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

MR. W. PERFECT— (Says something I can't hear over the noise)

ME— What?!

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*
*clunkCLUNKclunkCLUNK*

MR. W. PERFECT— (Shouting) You should probably oil those wheels!

ME— Yeah! I know! That's what I said!

(After emptying the contents of the book return onto the circ desk, I picked the whole thing off the floor and carried it out. I then returned for the WD-40 and applied it liberally to the wheels.)