An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

"Liberry" Glossary: Lag Time

Lag Time
-noun

  1. The amount of time that passes between the moment a patron arrives at the circ desk to check out to the moment they remember that they need their library card in order to check out to the moment they actually fish said card from whatever walletular orifice they last stuffed it into. Average Lag Time: 30 seconds.

  2. The amount of time that passes between the moment we inform a patron their "innanet" time is officially up and we need their computer for someone else and the actual moment they relinquish it. Average Lag Time: 3 minutes.

  3. The amount of time that passes from the moment a properly noise-polution-aware patron's cell phone ringtone has gone of in a blaringly loud fashion to the moment they actually make it into our less-than-soundproof breezeway to take the call. Average Lag Time: 15 seconds.

  4. The amount of time that passes from the moment a patron who couldn't give less of a damn about talking loudly on their cell phone in front of God and everybody receives a blaringly loud cell phone call and the moment I make it over to them to banish them from the building: Average Lag Time: 30 seconds.

  5. The amount of time it takes for us to reboot said computer from the ground up in order for it to be fresh and clean and history-wiped for the next user. Average Lag Time: 1 minute.

  6. The amount of time it takes for my blood pressure to rise once I discover that our filtering and security software has failed us once again and a completely different patron's email account has automatically popped up on our screens, fully logged in, and that patron hasn't visited us in days. Average Lag Time: .03 seconds.

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