(A father and daughter approach the circ-desk. The little girl, cute as anything, puts her books up on the desk and looks up at me.)
ME-- Do you have your library card?
DAD-- She doesn't have one. I don't have mine either. Matter of fact, I don't think I ever got one.
ME-- (Thinking, I'd better check the computer just to be sure before I have him fill out an application...) Well, what's your name?
DAD-- Ignernt Q. Patron
ME-- (Ignernt Q. Patron pops right up, but I'd still better confirm...) And your mailing address?
DAD-- Route 1, Dumbass Holler.
ME-- Yep. We've got you in the computer.
DAD--Yeah, I know ya have me in the computer. I'm saying, I never got a card.
ME-- Sir, we don't create patron records without issuing a card to the patron in question. And we do require a card in order to check out materials.
DAD-- Can I get anuther?
ME-- We charge $1 for a replacement card.
Dad opens his wallet and throws down a dollar with something of a defiant air.
ME-- All righty.
After confirming some contact information, I get busy putting a new barcode into dude's record. While I do this, he starts digging around in his wallet until he stumbles upon, surprise surprise, his library card.
DAD-- (Adopting a tone of voice similar to one he might have used had Library Card Gnomes snuck the thing into his wallet) Oh. Uh, here it is here.
ME-- Ahhhh. (I take it from him and scan the old barcode over the new one I'd just done) Here's your dollar back.