Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Actual Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #73

(A father and daughter approach the circ-desk. The little girl, cute as anything, puts her books up on the desk and looks up at me.)

ME-- Do you have your library card?

DAD-- She doesn't have one. I don't have mine either. Matter of fact, I don't think I ever got one.

ME-- (Thinking, I'd better check the computer just to be sure before I have him fill out an application...) Well, what's your name?

DAD-- Ignernt Q. Patron

ME-- (Ignernt Q. Patron pops right up, but I'd still better confirm...) And your mailing address?

DAD-- Route 1, Dumbass Holler.

ME-- Yep. We've got you in the computer.

DAD--Yeah, I know ya have me in the computer. I'm saying, I never got a card.

ME-- Sir, we don't create patron records without issuing a card to the patron in question. And we do require a card in order to check out materials.

DAD-- Can I get anuther?

ME-- We charge $1 for a replacement card.
Dad opens his wallet and throws down a dollar with something of a defiant air.

ME-- All righty.
After confirming some contact information, I get busy putting a new barcode into dude's record. While I do this, he starts digging around in his wallet until he stumbles upon, surprise surprise, his library card.

DAD-- (Adopting a tone of voice similar to one he might have used had Library Card Gnomes snuck the thing into his wallet) Oh. Uh, here it is here.

ME-- Ahhhh. (I take it from him and scan the old barcode over the new one I'd just done) Here's your dollar back.

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An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.