Friday, December 01, 2006

Found Poetry (Or "Actual Hand-written Email First Drafts found in Actual Libraries")

Yesterday, while going back to log a computer on for someone, I noticed that the previous user of said computer had left behind a half-piece of notebook paper on both sides of which were handwritten words. Being a curious soul, and considering that the previous patron had been gone for over an hour, I picked it up.

You never can tell what patrons will leave at the computers, or, even, on the screens of the computers. Sometimes it's just a pair of sunglasses. Other times, though, we get comedy gold.

For instance, our late, lamented patron the Purple Nun, used to spend quite a bit of time composing emails which she would leave on the screen without sending them to anyone. When asked if she would prefer to send the mail to someone, the Nun simply replied that the person meant to find it would find it. (I don't know what any of the email said, as I was apparently not the predestined person.)

Or, there's the case of Stoner Lad, who once left on the screen a Microsoft Word draft of a grammatically incorrect mash note filled with wildly misspelled genitalia and other descriptives. He'd evidently pasted it into an email, but left the original draft for me to find. If only I'd saved it.

The note I found yesterday, however, I did save. It appears to be a paper first draft of two separate emails, written by a female to her boyfriend. (Who drafts email on paper, anyway?) Handwritten in pencil on the first side of the half-sheet of notebook paper is the following letter, capitalization and punctuation intact, though a name or so has been changed.

Hey baby, I miss you too,
see you soon though.
yeah we have to go to the cemetery.I get scared so easy! [the word "though" is scratched out here]Ugh. Come to WV!
If Matt says Anything to
you just don't say Anything
back okay?
he's trying to start shit.

But whatever.
I'll talk to you soon

*Big Hugs!*
xoxo, Lis

And on the other side of the paper was the following note.

Shut your fucking mouth
& leave me Alone.
[The words "I Hate you So" are scratched out on this line]

& I swear to god if you
start fucking with Andy
I will Rip your fucking face off.
This is the end of it.
So backup.
Wow. Quite a soap opera, huh? Entertaining and open to a few interpretations.

I suspect by posting this, though, I have violated my "liberry" ass. code of ethics in a most heinous way. However, it is the patron's own fault for leaving the note behind for someone else to throw away.

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An employee of a small town "liberry" chronicles his quest to remain sane while dealing with patrons who could star in a short-lived David Lynch television series.